how people think of you

This morning, I went for a 5 km run at a local running club. The concept is really neat, you go there every Sunday, run a 5K, and then try to socialise over some coffee. 

Today was my first time, and I was pleasantly surprised with the experience. It pushed me outside of my comfort zone on several fronts. I had to wake up at 5.30 AM on a Sunday, run 5 km (which is not easy by any stretch), and then try to socialise with complete strangers. 

Highly recommend if you want to push yourself a bit.

Anyways…

After the run I was talking to a guy whom I had just met there, he ran an SEO and e-commerce agency, and he wanted to start making content. 

He asked me, “Can you tell me where to start, what content to make? I have no clue.”

To which I said “Just pick up your phone and start to talk about whatever you know well, or are passionate about.”

He smiled awkwardly and said “Yeah that I know, but how will it look? And what will people think of it?”

Before I tell you what I told him, hear this. 

I was in his exact situation a few months ago. When I started to make content, I was very afraid of how it would be perceived by my friends, family, etc. 

I almost didn’t do it because of those exact reasons. In fact, to this date, when I put content out, I still sometimes worry about how it is going to be perceived. 

But over time I have learnt a thing or two about the fear of perception. It is probably the one thing that is most influential on people’s decision making (not in a good way). It’s what stops them from doing what they want.

I have also noticed that most of these struggles are universal. Everyone faces them. 

Most people allow these struggles to get the better of them. So they never do the things they want to do.

There are some that find a way to overcome them. If you harbour ambitions of being successful at anything you do, you want to be here. 

In this one I want to share a couple of learnings with you, that will hopefully help you get better at disregarding what people think, and starting to do whatever it is you want to. 

What will they think of me?

"You want praise from people who kick themselves every fifteen minutes, the approval of people who despise themselves.”

— Marcus Aurelius (From the book ‘Meditations’)

This is the big one. This is what the guy who spoke to me this morning was afraid of. This is what I was afraid of. This is what everyone who wants to do something is afraid of. 

When he told me this, I had just one line, one harsh piece of truth that I have learnt over the last few months. 

Nobody cares.

“Woah…what does that mean?" 

It means most people are too busy with their own lives, their own problems, their own situations.

I used to think people were watching me all the time. Scrutinising my every move. Distant friends, random strangers, followers, etc. Due to this I was very conscious of what I posted, what I put on my stories, etc. 

But over time, I’ve realised nobody is as attentive as I think. Everyone has their own problems and lives to take care off. 

Maybe they’ll watch my story, or leave a like on my post, or even think about me for a bit. But very quickly, they move on.

While this may sound like a bummer, it kind of takes a lot of pressure away from you (and me in this case). 

It means I can do things however I want to, without being afraid of being perceived a certain way. 

And this is not just restricted to content. This is with regard to every decision you make in your life. 

If you’re dressed a certain way and think, “what will my friends think of me”, here’s the answer.

They’re not noticing.

If you have a mark of your skin and you’re thinking “how will I look” the answer is -

They’re not noticing.

If you have a degree that you think is not great and you think “what will my neighbours think” -

They are not noticing. Because they don’t care! So you shouldn’t too.

Try it out for yourself.

The next time you go out, change one small thing about yourself or how you dress, and see if anyone notices. 9 times out of 10, nobody will notice. Because everyone’e too caught up in their lives, trying to perfect how THEY look, how THEY are perceived. 

So the next time you’re making a decision, keep this in mind. Nobody cares. Stop making decisions based on what ‘they’ will think or what ‘they’ will say. 

And start making decisions that YOU want to make. 

I’m not good enough

This works in tandem with “What will they think of me”. 

The worse you are at something, the more conscious you are of people’s perception. But here’s the truth.

When you’re starting out at anything, you will suck. And I mean it, you will be terrible. 

Take content creation for example. When you start, you don’t know how to record, you don’t know how to edit, you don’t understand lighting, you don’t understand hooks, retention, nothing. 

But paradoxically, you cannot get good if you don’t get through those bad, embarrassing reps. 

Go and watch any of your idols and find their earliest work. Chances are, it sucked. But that’s what it takes to get good at something. You put in the reps, no matter how bad, ugly, or embarrassing. 

However, that’s easier said than done, unless you get rid of your fear of being perceived. And this is why I put this as the second point.

First step will be to stop thinking about how others look at you. Because once you stop caring about that, it becomes much easier to start, and do the nasty work. Without being afraid of judgement. 

And that way you can get good frighteningly fast. It takes less than you think to get better than most people around. If you put in the work with honesty and commitment, you will be better than 90% of the people before you even know it. 

And like I said before. The better you get, the less you are concerned with other’s perceptions.

It’s a loop. The earlier you break it, the better it is for you.

Lastly, I just want you to know that life is too short for you to live it based off of other people’s perceptions and opinions. 

You cannot let what your friends, family, or followers think, to detract you from what you want to do. 

You need to go out there and do it regardless. 

Because at the end of the day, if you think about it, other people’s lives, opinions and perceptions have nothing to do with your experience of reality. 

It remains the way it is, regardless of what anyone thinks of it, and can be only influenced by you. 

Then why waste valuable time and energy thinking about them?

Good luck…until next time 

— Khyatt