my worst relationship

We are all part of multiple relationships in our lives. With friends, with lovers, with family, with emotions and with things. 

Most of them are tangible and in plain slight. If they go sour, the causes and effects are very apparent.  

But a few, are abstract. Most people don’t even know they exist. So when these relationships go south, it’s very hard to put a finger on what’s wrong. You feel the effects, but cannot identify the cause.

Here, I reference one of the most important abstract relationships that all of us have. And one that most young people, struggle with. 

It is our relationship with time.

It is one that I struggled with for the longest time. Maybe still do. But I am learning to resolve it now

And through this piece, perhaps you will too :)

But first, it’s important to understand what causes it.

Why do so many people, including myself, have a poor relationship with time?

The Cause:

Social media has had a lot of net positive effects on the world and society at large. But it has had one massive side effect, especially on the youth.

Everyday, scrolling through Instagram and Youtube you see a lot of young people. Much like yourself.

Except for one difference.

Their lives seem sorted. 

They’re successful and claim to be making a lot of money. 

Things are perfect for them.

Not for you though.

It seems like a distant fairytale for you. A stark contrast to the messy, directionless hell that you are living through. 

And this is where you start to fall down the familiar slippery slope. Comparison.

The Effect

For the longest time, I believed that I needed to achieve something big early in life.

Make a lot of money, as fast as I can. 

Become successful by a certain age. 

Figure everything out.

I had a terrible relationship with time. And the cause I realised, was comparison.

I would use the lives of those who were young and hyper successful, as a yardstick to measure my own progress.

The effect?

It sucked. I felt terrible about myself, my confidence suffered and I was in a constant state of dissatisfaction, anxiety, and unease. 

I started to become impatient. I started wanting things faster, and when it didn’t happen, the frustration compounded. 

And I know for a fact that this happens to so many of you. 

Here’s why it’s crucial that you resolve this. 

By comparing our lives with someone else’s, we create unhappiness, resentment, and impatience.

And by being impatient, we increase the likelihood of making mistakes.

Because now, instead of optimising for quality and long term success, you’re optimising for speed and short term gratification.  

Which leads to inevitable failure, creating a dangerous cycle that does not end well.

But over time, I identified it. That is the crucial first step. And now that you have identified it too, we can move towards a resolution.

The solution

Ask yourself this. 

What good does it do you?

Does their life have anything to do with yours?

Are you adding any value to your life by doing it?

And lastly, is your life, with all your unique quirks, situation, circumstances, and events, even remotely comparable to theirs?

The answer you will find, is a resounding ‘NO’. 

And once you realise this, your relationship with time will start to improve. At least it improved for me. 

Ray Croc started McDonald’s at 52. JK Rowling write Harry Potter when she was 32. Harry Ford was 45 when he created the iconic Model T.

We tend to forget that life is actually quite long. 

And things worth having take time. No trophies will be given out for achieving something fast.

The bigger your ambition, the slower you need to go.

Does this mean you should stop working as hard, or slack up a little bit? Not at all.

But it definitely means that you need to accept that good things take time, and stop letting yourself be affected by the perceived success of absolute strangers. 

Gary Vee appropriately describes the need to find a balance of patience and intensity, when he says “Work incredibly hard in the short term, but be incredibly patient in the long term.”

I read that line every few days to remind myself.

Conclusion:

Your life is yours alone. 

Your decisions and actions should be driven by your goals and ambitions. Not by the achievements of others. 

Do this, and you will be happier, at peace with yourself, and much more likely to achieve the things that you want. 

Thanks for reading through. Cheers!