the great thought crisis

Before I start, please feel free to write back to me with your thoughts, opinions, ideas, etc. I spend a good amount of time on these and it means a lot to hear your feedback about it. Cheers!

A little while back I saw a very interesting video on Instagram from a creator. 

I don’t remember what she said verbatim but it was something like “If you want to live a life filled with success, happiness, adventure, dreams, joy, love, etc. then you have to move out of your parents’ home. You cannot expect to live the life of your dreams in the comfort of your own home.”

It was not an opinion that I agreed with, for reasons that I will mention later. 

On the video, I left a comment, giving a different perspective than what was said in the video. I even gave my own example to show that it was possible to grow and do good things regardless of whether you move out or not. 

But here’s the surprising part. While all the comments on the video supported the creators perspective, mine was the only one that disagreed.

And yet, I ended up getting around 2000 likes on the comment, and a few DMs from people, like the one I’ve attached below.

The reason I did not agree with the creator was because implicit in the video, was the assumption that everybody prioritises and wants the same things. 

Telling everyone that if they want to live the “life of their dreams”, they need to move out of their parents house assumes that everyone’s “life of their dreams” is the same thing. When it’s actually not. 

What if someone’s “life of their dreams” was getting to live with their parents, pursuing something they enjoy, coming home to a family, having that company and support when you need it, etc?

The reason I got all those likes and DMs in response to my comment, was because there were all those people out there, for whom “life of their dreams” had a different definition. 

But here’s the problem. Deep down, a lot of those people feel a sense of guilt for having a position or opinion that is contrary to traditional or broadly accepted beliefs.

With how public media works today, it is very easy to shape and push certain narratives to influence people.

Once a consensus forms around a narrative (in the form of large number of views/comments supporting the perspective, peers doing those exact things), it becomes very difficult for young people to resists the narrative. Especially when it’s very subjective things like moving out vs not moving out. 

The person who messaged me for example, needed reassurance from someone that her thought process was right. She felt guilty for wanting to live with her parents and not move out. 

Because all around her, she was hearing and seeing people say stuff like “you have to move out if you want to live the life of your dreams.” She wanted something else, but was afraid that she was doing it wrong.

This is a disturbing phenomenon.

We are seeing a generation of young and men and women who do not possess the ability to think and decide independently, what they want for themselves. They have no original thoughts or ideas.

What do they do then? They allow whatever narrative is prevailing in the broader society, and accept it as their own. They take what someone else thinks they should want, and start chasing it. 

And what happens when they get it? Nothing. Because they never wanted it in the first place. 

Perhaps one of the best things you can do for yourself, is learn to think. Here I try to make a humble attempt to make it easier for you. 

Why this is happening:

There are two big reasons that I think are contributing to this.

The first one, and this is a big one, is because life has become much faster. 

A few hundred years ago, our ancestors did not have as many things to do as us. Once the basic chores and work was finished, there were still large parts of the day with nothing else to do. 

These extended periods of solitude force you to sit down and think about things that you don’t normally think about. People used this time to think and reflect. This often led to the birth of uniquely individual ideas, thoughts, and beliefs.

But this time has now disappeared from our lives. We’re constantly doing things, or on our phones, or with people. There is very little time to sit down and reflect. Which means there’s no original thoughts or ideas coming up.

In the absence of original thoughts and ideas, our minds start to blindly adopt the ideas and thoughts that are pushed by the world.

It is upto us to carve out times in our day, to think, to reflect, and to write. 

The second big reason, is that there is now a plethora of thoughts, opinions, and ideas on the internet. The world is now a much more connected place. 

This means that it is now easier than ever, to just borrow someone else’s thought process, and call it your own.

And you can never tell if a thought is your own, or if it’s borrowed, unless you take time to reflect about it. 

So people fall into this vicious circle of borrowed thought that they don’t even know they are a part of. 

What to do about it?

Practice thinking.

“Nowhere can a man find a more quieter or more untroubled retreat, than in his own soul. ”

— Marcus Aurelius

Thinking is so important because it its the cornerstone of self awareness. The more you think, the better you understand yourself. 

And better self awareness is directly correlated to better life decisions. 

The first question that you need to ask yourself is “what do I want?”

Because the answer to this influences most of the big decisions you take in your life.

And adopting someone else’s answer to this leads to you taking all the wrong decisions that create unfavourable outcomes.

Think about the things that are important to you, the things that drive you, that make you happy, etc. 

Once you have this, assign them an order of priority. What is most important to you on the list? What is least important? This is what you optimise your life for. 

Because often times you will be faced with decisions where two things that are both important to you, face up against one another. You will have to make your decision in accordance with what is more important to you. 

And finally, learn how to be unapologetic about what you want. 

If your relationships and family are what you prioritise above all else, and you make the rest of your decisions with them in mind, you do not need to feel guilty about it. 

Because society and social narratives will always tell you you’re wrong. And that you need to optimise your life for money, and success, and whatever else. 

But all it will do is make you miserable. 

And here’s the interesting part. The more time you spend thinking and reflecting, the clearer your priorities and desires become. You become surer of what you want, and you’re much less likely to be swayed by prevailing narratives, or feel guilty about your decisions. 

I try to practice what I preach. I have been taking time out to think, reflect and write everyday. It has led to improved clarity and a significant increase in overall joy and contentment. 

I would highly recommend you try to put it into practice as well.

Take 15 minutes out at the end of each day, to think, reflect and write. Use this time to be honest and introspective. Do it everyday for a period of time.

And please write back to me if you notice any changes or improvements. 

Until next time…

— Khyatt